Dobby is free!

This August was one of the craizest month in my life. I had to hand in my thesis, prepare the defense, work fulltime from 9-7, go on a business trip to the US, all the while being quite sick for the first two weeks (and even worse the third week). Yesterday as I entered the US, I got delayed at the border control. After I was cleared, I had to sprint to another terminal to catch my connecting flight, and as a result my luggage didn’t come on the same plane. So after spending 15 hours in three airports, I finally got on the shuttle to my hotel in the middle of nowhere, having only my laptop, my kindle and a bottle of water with me.

August isn’t over yet, and I feel exhausted. I deserve a long overdue break. But I’m also so proud of what I’ve pulled through this month. Finally I’m free from obligations and things that I don’t want to, and can start working again on my own projects.

Confidence

But admist all these craziness, I somehow developed a sense of confidence that I didn’t have before. I had always known, rationally, that I’m good. I can solve problems. I can learn things if I put my mind to it. But I never feel confident. In fact, I was in a perpetual state of an imposter, full of self-doubt and fear. In a way they drive me forward and propel me to learn more, to do better. But it is exhausting.

But this summer, after working in an all-male environment with bosses who are very sharp and sometimes quite demanding, I’ve learned to “not doubt yourself, and get over your mistakes very quickly”. In other words, don’t take others' judgements too seriously. If someone critizes my work, judge for yourself if the criticism is valid. If that’s the best you can do, and there is no easy/efficient way to improve it, and then let it be. Sometimes the cost-result formula simply doesn’t make sense for you to invest more into it. Time is limited at work. Put it to high-yielding places.

There is no need to feel bad emotionally at work for prolonged periods. Yes, painful criticisms / sneers can teach you something, but emotionally I learned to remain “dull” in a way. Perhaps indeed women are more prone to disturbances. Perhaps we (women) are too nice to each other growing up. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t participate in team sports or combat sports. Anyhow that’s my recent lesson from work.

Half-assing your way through things

Another thing I’ve learned, it’s to half-ass through things that are not important, which in my case was the EPFL thesis. I got a 4.25, and I’m very happy with it. I knew that school was not my focus, and I managed to just fly over the fence barely touching it. That’s all I needed.

Channeling my energy correctly.

Obsession with vocabloom

Vocabloom is a project that I’ve been thinking for almost two / three years. I started the git repo this January, and finally start coding for it this week.

I can’t describe it, but I feel an urge to work on it, to complete it, to launch it into the world.

Some of my mathy friends mentioned to me before that they’d become obessessive of problems. They’d easily forget lunch when trying to work through a proof / a puzzle. I’ve never understood until Vocabloom (perhaps a little with coursefinder). It’s just way too fun that I don’t want to do anything else. I signed up for guitar lessons but now I want to cancel it. All I want to do is build further. I hope I won’t burnout myself too early, and that this craze phase will sustain longer. We’ll see.

SF might be the city

Went to stay with C in SF, and met up with SO SO many friends, friends who I haven’t seen for years, from college, from university, from random parties that we were at before. It was incredible to hear what they’re doing and how they’ve been. Fuck! San Francisco was so fun that it made me wonder why I chose to come to Switzerland. (however the moment I landed in GVA I realized why I chose Swiss in the first place)…

Maybe I’ll find a way to go back to SF. The people there, the dynamism, the technology, the hustle, the NPs, the food. Everything.