Some recent reflections…

Just show up

Half the game is just showing up.

This line rings more and more true to me over time. I got this job because I showed up to the career fair despite feeling really tired. I got recognized for my efforts this past Friday because I showed up. I had doubts too – will I have tasks to do? will I feel burned out? will they expect me to be there? will my boss judge me for not being there? will my boss judge me for being there despite having taken the day off?

It’s not that I am ordered to be there, or that others cannot function without me. It’s simply about showing up, offering to be useful, lending yourself a chance to learn.

It’s a bit like a quantum mechanics – you cannot know the speed and the position of an electron at the same time. If you want to know if it’d be a good idea to show up, then you need to show up. But if you’ve showed up, you no longer can know if it’s a good idea to begin with – you’ve already shown up. So just show up.

Listen, and don’t judge

“Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald

Sometimes, at work, some white Caucasian men would mention a movie, or a singer, that’s clearly well-known in the western context, and I have never heard of it. For example, a British colleague mentioned to me Taika Waititi* and I don’t know who he is. And they would appear to be in so much shock, like if I am an uneducated person who has had no cultural depth.

Wow what a self-absorbing, western-centric way of seeing things!

If I were to mention singers like Jay Chou or David Tao, or films like Farewell My Concubine, or Nobel-winning writers like Mo Yan, would you have heard of it? And would I appear so shocked, as if you’re uncultured?

No, because I’m used to this Western-centric cultural scene, where all arts done in languages other than English are deemed exotic, second-tier, and only worthy of attention if it’s truly extraordinary. I am used to spending lots of efforts explaining Asian cultural productions and promoting their worthiness. I don’t take it as a given.

But it’s not only white men. One Chinese friend was recently shocked that I’ve never heard of Siddhartha, or that I haven’t attempted to read it.

My initial response was – I’ve read Tolstoy in its entirety, I’m cultured, how dare you to judge me? Have you read the XXXYYYZZZ that I’ve read?

My second response was – do I do this too? Very much so. I still remember judging someone for never having heard of Pride and Prejudice.

I can’t help but remember this opening line from the Great Gatsby. Now I realize, truly and really, that everyone has a unique repertoire of knowledge. My repertoire might have little intersection with the person I’m conversing with, or a lot of intersection. We tend to deem the group with “no intersection” as “boring”, and the group with “lots of intersection” as “interesting”.

How wrong is this tendency! In fact, the “boring” group often holds a whole body of knowledge that I’m unaware of. The time I spent reading Dolly Alderton, this person might be watching football. The time I spent cycling, this person might be making pottery. By judging them for something they’ve never heard of, I am closing of a door to learn about what fascinates them. Of course, one needs to strive a balance between learning new things and entertaining oneself in existing pleasures…

But Yiyuan, next time you mention something that another person has never heard of, don’t think so high of yourself. Be patient, explain to them kindly, and ask some questions to learn a bit more about them afterwards.

  • turns out I’ve watched his film Jojo Rabbit for a class at Yale, but didn’t register his name. Guess that’s part of what going to Yale means – to build up this vocabulary of western culture.

It’s not worth your time

It’s completely pointless to argue with strangers online. How come people don’t realize this? That time is the only thing that matters, and there is no time to waste.

Unless it’s family or a dear friend who is on a wrong path, or a collaborator at work, there is no value in trying to convince people. Firstly, you might be wrong yourself, and you’re not really learning how the other person thinks. Secondly, it takes an AWFUL lot of effort to make someone agree with you. In many cases, this task is just impossible, regardless of the amount of effort you put in.

It’s better to just shut up, observe, and think what past events have led this person to think this particular way.